Memories

It's almost been a year now since the 2011 season ended for me. One pro for that is I've attend many Indians games this year (don't cringe, that's my home team!). One con is that I miss MiLB baseball every, single day. I am not exaggerating. I now sit in a box from 9-5:30 and it's excruciating. Some days I walk in mad before the day has even started. Some days, by 3pm, I am crawling the walls of my cube, literally watching the clock change.

At this time last year, I had formed unbreakable bonds with co-workers, had a routine down pat and adapted the ability to still function after being completely soaked from a rain storm. I had thrown temper tantrums from not wanting to sleepover for Scout night, drank an unmentionable amount of DD iced coffee and lost all ability to hold back from saying what was on my mind. Sometimes on the weekends I'm actually bored. I know I'm probably looking at this the wrong way because there is a lot to explore in my city, but damn I'd love to work a Saturday night game and have some post-game beers with co-workers. 

I still follow all the teams I worked for. I swear to you that even though I haven't seen some people in almost a year, some two, I still love them as much as I did on our last day together. I recently read this an article that a former milb staffer posted on Facebook the other day from thegoodpoint.com. From what I understand, it's a "writer" who is the broadcast dude from an MiLB team complaining about how underpaid they are. It really got me thinking..

I left the MiLB because 1) I missed home/my family (valid) and 2) I thought I was worth more. I wanted a higher salary and knew I wasn't going to get it staying in the minor leagues. Plus, I reasoned with myself that the more I grew, the more moving around I would do and never feel settled. One year later, I can tell you, I'M AN IDIOT. I left for all the wrong reasons. I did not dislike anything I did. Ever. Some days in the moment, I'd be pissed off and be like "WTF am I doing with my life" as I cleaned picnic tables in the blazing sun, but 68/70 home games, I loved my life. I had a true passion for what I did.

I make "more" money now, but guess what? I still feel like I almost live paycheck to paycheck. I never feel like I have enough and I'm pretty damn unhappy at work. Yeah I got paid actual pennies, yeah we worked a fuckload of hours and YES I ate way too many hot dogs, nachos, etc. But guess what? I was happier, more laid back and skinnier (I swear!). I'm still just as unsettled, if not more, than I've ever been in my entire life. I had my heart broken (didn't have time for that bullshit when working 14 hour days), I have a hard time finding "normal" things to be fun (why can't I just lead a parade of little leaguers around a baseball field!?) and I constantly miss the little things I took for granted. Heart-to-hearts with my GM (Lar-bear), two hour lunches with the Controller (Love you forever, Bobbo) or just killing time with my co-wokers. Literally learning everything about everyone's lives and loving it. I missed my family every day, but I always had a dad, brother and best friend available.

I don't know what the future holds for me, but I know one thing, minor league baseball will ALWAYS hold a place in my heart, along with everyone I've ever worked with. If I ever make my way back into working in baseball, you can bet I will be one happy girl.

Winter Meetings

           Its been a few days now and I have had some time to reflect on my first Winter Meetings. If you like Baseball or work in Baseball you know what that is and this year it was in Dallas, Texas, which is not that warm in December I have learned! This will be my forth season working in MiLB, but this was my first Winter Meetings and I tell you that was a silly thing to do on my part, I learned a lot, met some amazing people, had a blast ... and there was free beer!

Winter Meetings

      We rolled into Texas Sunday evening after a nice long flight. We did how ever get a nice ride from the airport to the hotel, a party bus... with free beer. First things first the affiliates dinner. With a nice spread, open bar and name tags there was a lot to do. Just to get the girly part out of the way, high heels are unnecessary and a dumb choice, people just think you are drunk when your feet her to much to walk properly, lesson learned. As myself and one of my favorite girls in the office mingled a little we were not a hundred percent sure who everyone was so we just chatted. One of our co workers came up to us after speaking with one person, " Do you know who that was," "No" "The president of our organization, hope you didn't embarrass yourself!" ( I knew that name seemed familiar!) But the high light of this event ( sorry friend) was my poor friend... just sitting at the table enjoying dinner and grabbing her phone to send a quick text to hear behind her, you know you can't text here, looking up mortified its the GM of the organization saying this looking pretty serious, so she quickly fumbles the phone into her purse... "aahhh....sorry"... only for him to laugh hysterically and say don't worry your face is only bright red... poor thing.
     The next day was a learning day, filled with seminars, round table discussions and looking at resumes from potential job seekers. I felt like I was back in college for the day but it was great to hear what all the other teams are doing out there. It was also great to see some old friends, being part of the events or just sitting there listening with me. This day was followed with some front office bonding by hitting an interesting bar, apparently known for the strongest drinks in Texas... I will agree! Spent some time hanging out, and learning a lot about Texas. Lesson one if you ask the waitress for a pumpkin ale you get a look of disgust and something along the lines of no and who the hell would ask something like that ( lesson learned by myself). Lesson two if you are not from Texas, do not pretend to speak in an accent, nor say something like " I am just speaking your language"... they will not like you and your co workers will laugh at you for days. Luke Wilson is also from Texas and likes to play pool that is what we learned on our seminar day!

Our Luke Wilson sighting

     One of the events I enjoyed the most was the Women in Baseball event. Its pretty amazing to meet women that work hard and know what its like to work in MiLB, its not easy. There are some women out there who are putting men all over this world to shame ( no offense) in this field, who know how to work hard and succeed. The best of part of the event is to be able to explore unique topics that only another girl would understand.
     Our next eventful day was filled with interviews, there are a lot of great people out there especially recent college grads, it was great to meet you! We then moved on to the Cowboys stadium for a self guided tour. You walk in and head down to the field... its pretty awesome... and you get to play on it! So that we did, kicking field goals, making passes, tebowing (even though it might not be the right place for that) and making touch downs. While making some passes one of the security guards offered to tackle us to make it feel real.... um ok?? Next was the locker room of the players and the cheer leaders and apparently all I need to do is work a little more on my kicks and splits and I am in... good to know!

Obviously the Dallas Cowboy Stadium

Getting Tackled

     We then crossed the street to the Texas Ranger stadium for the gala, pretty much the wrap up for our trip to winter meetings anyway. Texas Rangers did it right! We toured the stadium, hit the dug outs, great food, beer and wine and there were cowboys walking around! Taking a gander around the stadium we walked to a big case on the ground with armadillos racing around it and a loud shout " who wants to race an armadillo?"... clearly I do... and I would like to announce the 2011 champion armadillo racer... myself! The next step was some old timey photos, more food... and beer... and some bull riding! I will also claim myself as that champion, but it could be up for debate. All that was left was the shuttle back to the hotel for a last goodbye, and in the hotel lobby someone said something to me that I will never forget..." hey you are the girl that won the Armadillo race! Let me buy you a drink!!" That was totally ok with me.

Your Champ is in the middle!

Who doesn't need a good butt sketch to take home....

Ultimate Grandma

Growing up, I always heard my father, aunts and uncle talk about the “ultimate grandma.” This woman always snuck them cookies during the day and didn’t make them eat their vegetables. I was always jealous of these stories, and I wished that I had been able to meet this so-called ultimate grandma. But soon I realized I was lucky enough to have a wonderful grandma of my own.

From the time I was born, she was always there for me. I basically lived with her and my grandpa. She was my second mom. Before kindergarten started, I was there every day while my parents were at work. When I started going to school, she drove me every morning. I went to a Catholic school and when we passed the statue of Mary outside the church, we would recite a little poem we made up. It was “good morning, mother of God.” When I got home from kindergarten, each afternoon granny would make me lunch then take me upstairs for my nap with my pink bear, Bunny. Before each nap, we would read out of the latest Archie comic book.

I looked forward to seeing her and my grandpa every day after school. When I grew out of taking naps and began going to school for a full day, there was always a snack waiting for me when I got off the bus. In the spring it was iced tea or lemonade and in the winter it was hot chocolate with mini marshmallows.

My grandma was the most stable thing I had in my life, not to mention the strongest. No matter how bratty I was or how much I talked back or didn’t listen, she was always there for me, loving me more than before. I realize now this would be called “unconditional love.” When I didn’t make the cheerleading squad in seventh grade, I didn’t have to say anything; she just gave me a big hug and let me cry on her shoulder. She knew how to cheer me up.

One day in the summer of 1999, I noticed a slight change in my grandma. It was a Wednesday during the summer. I was waiting for my grandma to get ready to go grocery shopping (every Monday was Revco [now known as CVS], every Wednesday was Catalano’s.) An odd thing happened, she didn’t go. She seemed very tired. She didn’t even come to the kitchen table to play solitaire! She just sat in her chair weakly, watching TV. If you knew this woman, you would know this was completely out of character for her.

The fall came and I started eighth grade. My family was getting more and more cautious about my granny’s health. She was normally the healthiest person out of everyone. Once we went on vacation to Sawmill Creek and everyone came down with the flu except my grandma and I. While they were sick in bed, we were out enjoying our vacation. Now it was different, she was the sick one. My family decided to make my grandma go to the doctor and get checked out, even though she did not want to. I think we all had our own idea as to what she might have had. I just prayed it was something small, knowing my granny wouldn’t let me down and overcome whatever it was holding her back.

The results came back and it was cancer. Not just a small case, either. She had to have surgery right away. The day of the surgery, my mom and I stopped over her house before it to wish her good luck. I wasn’t allowed to miss school, nor did I want to. I didn’t want to spend a day in the hospital worrying and I knew granny wouldn’t have wanted that, either. I knew she would be OK. She had to be. I walked into her bedroom where she was about to put on her shoes. I walked over as if nothing was wrong, but I saw her painfully bending down to tie the laces and I totally lost it. She looked up and smiled as if nothing were wrong, trying to hide her pain. Just like always, she was trying to make everything OK around me. I hugged her and cried on her shoulder, as I did a year earlier with the cheerleading incident. I knew my crying wasn’t helping, but I couldn’t stop. I told her I loved her and left feeling bad about crying in front of her.

I went to school that day in hope of a safe surgery and a healthy grandma. I found out after what seemed like the longest day of my life, that the surgery went well, but she still wasn’t the same. She was in and out of the hospital after that for months. Her health conditions went up and down. She started to change over the months she was sick. She lost her hair and her weight decreased, but the changes weren’t all physical. She was not the same spunky grandma I shared my childhood with. No more shopping trips, no more playing solitaire at the table watching Guiding Light. Most of her time was spent sitting in her recliner, taking pills and going to the hospital to try out different chemo treatments.

While all these things were happening, I was lost in my own world. So many things were changing, and I was realizing that things probably would never be the same again. The realization stung and every time I thought about life without my grandma, I couldn’t handle it. I finished my eighth grade year selfishly. I used to get so mad at myself for thinking the worst of the situation that I stopped going over there after school every day. I figured if I didn’t see it, I wouldn’t think about it. That was the worst decision of my life.

Summer came and went. I was excited to start high school. Fall came with high hopes of a brighter year, but my grandma’s health was just decreasing more and more. She could no longer walk without the help of a walker or do much of anything on her own.

One day in September, I had to stay home because I was getting teeth pulled. After the extraction, I stayed at my grandma’s house with my aunt. That day, Hospice came with a hospital bed and oxygen tank for my grandma. Her eyes lit up when she saw the bed because it came with a remote control and it would move up and down. She was always looking on the bright side, no matter what. Seeing her so happy and content over something that symbolized the end was near scared me, but I thought there could be hope for things to get better. A few days later, it was her birthday. We all got together to celebrate, even though my grandma couldn’t keep food down. To my surprise, she sat up in her bed and enjoyed the company. She even ate a piece of her favorite birthday cake – and it stayed down! I thought this was a for sure sign that things were about to get better.

I was so caught up in my teenage world of high school and denial that I didn’t even notice the end was so near. Not just the end to my grandma’s too short life, but the end of one of the most important parts of my own life.

Within the next week, I received a note from my mom during gym class tenth period. It said not to go home with my friend, but to wait for my mom to pick me up. I thought this was it. I thought she had passed away. I walked out of school that day prepared for the worst. My mom and my aunt informed me that it was not yet the end, but very close. They said she was in a coma and couldn’t speak, but could hear people talking to her. It would be sometime that night.

I couldn’t bear to see her that way and I was almost mad at my mom for bringing me there. I walked into the house and saw her lying there, breathing deeply, hands curled, body restless. I knew that wasn’t the grandma I knew. I could barely stay there for minutes. I was totally numb. I said my final goodbye to her gave her a kiss and went home. She died late that night.

At her wake a few days later, I was fine. The numbness had taken over my entire body. I didn’t cry. The lady laid out in the coffin was not my grandma. Her hair was never that color, and she never wore makeup. Then came the time for the final goodbyes; they took off the wig and replaced it with her favorite baseball cap she wore after her hair had fallen out. I then saw the grandma I knew, and completely lost it. From that moment on, the loss was real to me. I would never see her again. I would never hear her voice or her laugh, I would never feel her hug me. I would never taste her delicious chicken paprikash or help her with another crossword puzzle.

Sometimes I still forget she’s gone. When we go over my grandpa’s house I expect to see her there, dancing in the kitchen to Frankie Yankovich or playing solitaire at the table. I never have forgotten what see looks like, or the feel of her hands or the smell of the Suave lotion she used. She left me so many memories but none of them will ever replace her or the memories that we should have made.

The most amazing thing I learned about her was when my aunt told me once that a few days before she passed was that she told her to take good care of me because I was like a daughter to her. It was the hardest thing I ever had to hear. All the times I was a brat or didn’t listen came flooding back to me. I felt like an awful person, but I knew that she forgave me and I loved her even more for that.

Losing her was one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through. I can’t say I’m not still bitter, and I can’t say I don’t feel cheated. I sometimes talk about her like she's still here. I constantly wonder if she would be proud of me and what I've done with my life. Whenever I'm faced with a tough situation or decision, I wonder what she would tell me to do. Sometimes before falling asleep, I wish I would dream about her so I wouldn't feel so disconnected to her memory. I can't remember what her voice sounds like, but I remember how she looked when she smiled. I can't remember the way she said my name, but I can remember how her hands felt or what it was like to hug her.

Grandpa and Grandma

Granny and I - Halloween

Now I can say that I have my own ultimate grandma and that makes me proud. I can’t wait to have kids of my own to share stories with them like my dad, aunts and uncle told me about theirs.

*Wrote this many years ago, then added a little bit and thought I'd share in the spirit of Thanksgiving and family.*

-D

Yes, I am still alive!

To start, yes I'm still alive and kickin' haha I know I haven't posted in a VERY long time.

It's just been a whirlwind of a few months. I've had lots of changes in my life. Some good, some so-so, some bad. For starters, I'm no longer in minor league sports and am currently at a new job and have been for 3 months. I couldn't be happier in my new position and literally every single day time flashes before my eyes. I always ask my co-workers it can't be 5:00 already and they just laugh. My new position is in Public Relations and I write every day and I love it. I've never been a big talker so I always feel as though I can communicate better by writing so right now I'm happy as a clam.

Things have been happening at such a fast pace, I feel like it's been hard to sit back and take everything in. Change is always a scary thing, but I've learned lately asking yourself 'what if' later on is sometimes even scarier. Sometimes you just have to dive in with both feet and not be afraid to take a risk. I'd rather know that I fell flat on my face having tried, than just sit back and letting whatever it is pass me by.

I can't believe how different things can be in such a short amount of time---a big lesson I have learned and trust me it was no easy task to wrap my head around. I remember a couple months ago Facebook reminded me in that oh so friendly way it often does, my status from one year ago. I smiled to myself thinking of how far I've come and I've got a long way to go from the goals I want to achieve, but I feel like I'm on the right road headed into the right direction. I don't want to sound like a fortune cookie, but heck those fortune cookies sometimes are two-fold: they sometimes have very insightful words of wisdom and most importantly they are a yummy snack :)

Until next time friends....

I'm off to get some nachos! :)

Fresh Starts

Hi Friends!

I got inspired to write this charming little entry because I am starting a new job tomorrow and I've had a lot on my mind recently. Making grown-up decisions regarding life, location, job, etc. are HARD. And I've found they only get harder with time. 

I've spent the past three years working for three different minor league baseball teams, meeting great people and basically just having fun. But then I realized I needed to grow up, stop living paycheck to paycheck and being unsure if I "loved" what I did. I know my heart wasn't in it at my last job, even though I worked with awesome people, something was missing. I think a lot of that something was family and home. I made the decision to move back home to lovely Cleveland, Ohio (hold the comments, please). I desperately missed family birthdays, Sunday brunch with my dad at Flavors and Thursday night dinners at my Grandpa's. I also knew I wanted to be in a more fulfilling position work-wise, whatever that may be for me.

So I've been home for a little over a month and had some great interviews, some horrible interviews AND a job offer! I spent a lot of time researching companies and positions I would be interested in, to make sure I didn't just grab the first thing that came way and then hate it. I applied for a position with a non-profit that I thought would be super fulfilling and fun, and somehow, scored a phone interview. It was a disaster. I'm usually pretty good at interviewing, but this was just AWFUL. I was asked about 30 questions I had to answer and all my responses were recorded and the lady wasn't allowed to interject at all. She couldn't tell me to continue or ask me to elaborate on anything so there was lots of awkward silences and "um..'s". I had no idea what I was talking about and by the end of it, I'm pretty sure I was making no sense. Ironically, 3 hours later, I received an e-mail saying I wasn't suitable for the position. That's a personal record for being rejected.

Next, I had a phone interview with a local university in their ticket sales department. I don't know much about the university and I'm also pretty sure I have no interest in selling their basketball or lacrosse tickets. I chatted with the guy for a couple minutes and we immediately both realized I didn't want to make 120 phone calls per day/have HOURLY sales goals. He was super nice, though, and offered to help me out with any other positions that arose I might be interested in. I also had two interviews with two of Cleveland's professional sports teams, both for Account Executive positions. Both started with phone interviews that went extremely well and then led to in-person interviews. Being in of those offices were an awesome experience in itself. I lov(ed) working in sports and this reminded me of that. 

Lastly, I had an interview with an outsourcing HR/advertising agency. Basically, clients hire them to create their ads to recruit employee's, among other things. Marketing, public relations, writing were all my first loves. My degree is in Public Relations and Professional Writing. This was particularly interesting to me. I had a phone interview which led to an in-person interview, which I thought went well. Then a week later I was called to interview with another Director in another department of the company. 

Now was the waiting game.. still unsure of what exactly I want to do, just waiting to see who got back to me with good or bad news. I would get to excited when my phone rang and when "Mom Cell" popped up on the caller ID I would get so frustrated. Then on 6:30pm on a Friday evening, I was getting ready to go out and noticed a missed call and voicemail. I listened to it and it was the lady from the ad agency telling me to give her a call next week. 

I convinced myself that a phone call on a late Friday night could NOT be good news. I figured she probably wanted to let me down right before she knew I would go out and probably drink away my sorrows. So I stressed all weekend and called her first thing Monday morning. I got her voicemail saying she was out of the office until Tuesday. Let me tell you, I was NOT a person you would want to be around on Monday. Tuesday I woke up bright and early, but she beat me to it, I answered the phone and was pleased to be offered a position as an Account Coordinator!

Which leads to me to now, 10pm on Sunday night, the day before my first day at my new gig. Oddly enough, I don't feel nervous. I'm just excited to start something new and be busy again. There are still a lot of unanswered questions with other places I've interviewed with, but right now I'm content with what I have. I feel lucky to have had all the opportunities I've been given and if something else pops up, I will deal with it as it comes.

I currently have no regrets about coming back to my hometown and I feel I definitely made the right decision. Hopefully I'll still have great stories to share even though it isn't MiLB, anymore. Wish me luck, and I'll update you after the first week!

-D

Baseball and Tonsils by the Numbers

        There are twelve months in a year, there is 5 months of Baseball, 6 if you make it to the post season. That leaves six months for the off season, which means you have six months to cram life into. With this lack of time to do exciting things, the important thing is to try to be choosy about what you want to do. The disappointing news for me is that I will be spending one of these six precious months in surgery and recovery.I laughed at my doctor in July when he said well you will need two to three weeks for recovery how soon can we do this, I said September, maybe.
    So September came in went and now its October I didn't cram much into these months except a couple post season MLB games, a trip to South Carolina and Georgia, a few more boat rides and last chance beach days, a few bridesmaids activities ( this will be #17 bridesmaid dress) and another doctor visit. He told me to stop being a baby suck it up and get the surgery done, and I said, but I don't wanna! In case you were wondering I am not five, but I will be getting my tonsils out and crying about it like I am a five year old girl. Once I got the camera shoved down my nose and through my throat there where some cysts ( I hear cysts, tumors and cancer are bad) so those are going to. After this talk the Dr proceeded to inform me that this will be the worst pain ever, seriously, well unless you loose a limb at some point in your life that would probably hurt more, good to know. A life lesson is you should never Google a surgery/health procedure that you are going to have, because Google does not have a positive outlook on these things or pretty pictures, I am now terrified, but its OK there are support groups for tonsillectomies (really?????)
       Maybe I am a giant girly baby, but I am not looking forward to this at all and is it necessary for the Dr's office to send you a list of ways things can go wrong and you can die or never wake up?? I don't feel that its necessary at all! Everyone keeps saying you will get to eat lots of Ice Cream, well you know what I am Lactose Intolerant, so you keep your positive spin to yourself!!! Well to talk about being a girl in Minor League Sports I did book my ticket to Winter Meetings, so Texas get ready!

The suns about to set on the Baseball Season

Feel free to send me these to help me recover :)

South Carolina is really a beautiful place as depicted, I say go!

Off Season!

          I called a few of my estranged friends the other day and said "You know what September means..." " we get to see you again!" Yup its that time where I work 40 -50 hours a week, what a strange feeling it is. The end of the season was an interesting one especially since the area I work in saw just about every type of natural disaster there is. Earthquake, Hurricane, Tornadoes, I half expected to see a volcano to pop up in the middle of the east coast with Tommy Lee Jones and Anne Hache hot on its trail. It could of been worse that's for sure.

That's not my stadium, but like I said it could have been way worse, that is from Hurricane Irene!

         It might sound hard, but we have hurricane proofing down to a science at this point. It only took 2-3 hours after a Friday Night game and fireworks, starting around 11pm, no big deal. I would also like to thank one of our darling assistants for shoving me out of the way while moving our outfield bar so I didn't get crushed, her explanation later was completely unnecessary...

"I was scared for my life and it didn't look like you where moving so I shoved you so I could run, I really wasn't concerned for your safety, but I'm glad I could save your life I guess"

 Well thanks I guess....
So now what happens, with a quiet office and 1/3 of the staff there was a month ago. I sit and I mourn the loss of our assistants, I thoroughly enjoyed this bunch they where some of the most entertaining people I have ever met. Although every other sentence was if you don't get away from, stop talking, or do exactly what I say I'm going to hurt you/throw something at you ( or some sort of variation of this line) I think they enjoyed their experience working in sports as well. Especially the ones I asked nicely ( or made  them) to dress up as hot dogs and wear wigs to dance on the dug out, so I could fulfill my dreams of being a performer in front of thousands as a Clawdette. (Thanks guys!) Now we start planning for next season and start having a normal desk job for a month or so, I complain all season long about the season and I complain all off season about the off season there is no winning.
 So for now the lonely desk chair is where I sit, slowly inducing carpel tunnel and eye strain from the computer. But, I do get out way closer to five o'clock now, so I guess I should stop complaining.