Memories

It's almost been a year now since the 2011 season ended for me. One pro for that is I've attend many Indians games this year (don't cringe, that's my home team!). One con is that I miss MiLB baseball every, single day. I am not exaggerating. I now sit in a box from 9-5:30 and it's excruciating. Some days I walk in mad before the day has even started. Some days, by 3pm, I am crawling the walls of my cube, literally watching the clock change.

At this time last year, I had formed unbreakable bonds with co-workers, had a routine down pat and adapted the ability to still function after being completely soaked from a rain storm. I had thrown temper tantrums from not wanting to sleepover for Scout night, drank an unmentionable amount of DD iced coffee and lost all ability to hold back from saying what was on my mind. Sometimes on the weekends I'm actually bored. I know I'm probably looking at this the wrong way because there is a lot to explore in my city, but damn I'd love to work a Saturday night game and have some post-game beers with co-workers. 

I still follow all the teams I worked for. I swear to you that even though I haven't seen some people in almost a year, some two, I still love them as much as I did on our last day together. I recently read this an article that a former milb staffer posted on Facebook the other day from thegoodpoint.com. From what I understand, it's a "writer" who is the broadcast dude from an MiLB team complaining about how underpaid they are. It really got me thinking..

I left the MiLB because 1) I missed home/my family (valid) and 2) I thought I was worth more. I wanted a higher salary and knew I wasn't going to get it staying in the minor leagues. Plus, I reasoned with myself that the more I grew, the more moving around I would do and never feel settled. One year later, I can tell you, I'M AN IDIOT. I left for all the wrong reasons. I did not dislike anything I did. Ever. Some days in the moment, I'd be pissed off and be like "WTF am I doing with my life" as I cleaned picnic tables in the blazing sun, but 68/70 home games, I loved my life. I had a true passion for what I did.

I make "more" money now, but guess what? I still feel like I almost live paycheck to paycheck. I never feel like I have enough and I'm pretty damn unhappy at work. Yeah I got paid actual pennies, yeah we worked a fuckload of hours and YES I ate way too many hot dogs, nachos, etc. But guess what? I was happier, more laid back and skinnier (I swear!). I'm still just as unsettled, if not more, than I've ever been in my entire life. I had my heart broken (didn't have time for that bullshit when working 14 hour days), I have a hard time finding "normal" things to be fun (why can't I just lead a parade of little leaguers around a baseball field!?) and I constantly miss the little things I took for granted. Heart-to-hearts with my GM (Lar-bear), two hour lunches with the Controller (Love you forever, Bobbo) or just killing time with my co-wokers. Literally learning everything about everyone's lives and loving it. I missed my family every day, but I always had a dad, brother and best friend available.

I don't know what the future holds for me, but I know one thing, minor league baseball will ALWAYS hold a place in my heart, along with everyone I've ever worked with. If I ever make my way back into working in baseball, you can bet I will be one happy girl.